WTF Mate.

A horse is a horse... of course.

2009-11-03T02:19:00.000-08:00

Today is Melbourne Cup Day. To some, a day to dress up or gamble, to others, just another day off. I fall into the latter.

So apparently this horse racing day has been going on every first Tuesday of November every year, since the 18-frickin-hundreds. Insane.

Females dress up with this ridiculously crazy outfits and crazy hats. There's tons of hats for sale that go on sale maybe a month or two before the races for ppl to buy up. The funny thing is, in most cases, you only wear it that one year. It's the day that really confirms who can and can't dress themselves. All in all, it is what it is. I'm not complaining, as I did absolutely jack shit today.

Awesome.

Sitting in the Outback, eating bugs.

2009-10-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

God I've been lazy. But I've decided to continue my record keeping.

Yesterday I was surprised by my other half with a little red bag. It also had something wrapped in plastic and paper that was apparently wet, and soaked the paper through.

Being the Chinee man I am, this could be anything (chicken legs, duck face, pork ass)... so I was a bit worried what it could be... but held my composure.

A revealing of the bag exposed about 6 giant sea cockroach looking things. Bay bugs. Now.. I've expressed my wanting to try this before on several occasions as it is usually served at fine dining places. Didn't expect those lil dudes to be sitting in a brown paper bag for me.

I was face to face with 6 of these... in a pot.. with no idea how to eat em. Don't forget that they look like giant roaches.

So of course, I turned to Google to figure out what the hell to do with it. I probably wouldn't have been as hesitant to tear em apart if they were called something else (apparently some places called them Bay Lobsters, which essentially they are), but no, they are called bugs most of the time.

But in the end... I managed to tear their heads off with a giant pitchfork and break their shells off. To reveal this meat that tasted like lobster and shrimp and fish combined... was pretty good. More than I can say for kangaroo meat. Another item to check off my to-do list. :D

And I'm out.

World Famine Tour 2009!!

2009-08-13T04:16:00.000-07:00

GYEEAAHHH!!!

Get your 2009 World Famine shirts today!! See YOU there!

Mafia Wars IRL!

2009-07-19T05:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently there has been a long time Mafia war going on here in Melbourne known as the Gangland Wars? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melbourne_gangland_killings).

So popular that there was a huge series on TV about it called "Underbelly". I have yet to see it as I don't watch much TV, but figured I should probably check it out to get up to date on things here.

Although the series is over.. apparently the story just keeps on going...

Who said it was just kangaroos and tumbleweeds in Australia??

STSU. bitch.

2009-06-04T03:54:00.000-07:00

Here is a prime example of how funny some things are here. A popular saying you may hear when visiting or living here is to "get stuffed". No.. it's nothing to do with anal. It's basically a lighter way of saying fuck. So you may hear a conversion where someone told someone else to "get stuffed". Or if something is broken... "I'm stuffed". lol.

Don't believe me? Well you don't have to, because it's even in ads.

So when you are full you say... I'm stuffin full! hehe. No I made that one up.

Why didn't I think of this.

2009-05-13T00:24:00.000-07:00

One thing I always notice here in the land of OZ, is that almost 1 out of every 20 cars has these stupid little things hanging off the back of the bumpers. I ignored it for a few months because I really could care less what it is, but now that I know, it's really quite silly.

I don't think I've ever seen these in my life in the US, but apparently these grounding straps are sold to hang off the rear bumper. It's purpose?? Why... to keep you from getting static shocked on rainy days when touching the handle! Why else??

I guess... I.. should.. . . try.. to bring this.. product.. . to the ... U..S?

Australian Personal Bodyguards

2009-04-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

Be careful when approaching girls in Australia. Due to heightened security, most groups of females here now employ personal bodyguards who blend in with them for protection. Thinkin bout stealin that handbag? Think again!

Yesterday's petty thief is now a thing of the past with today's technology in concealment.

Sydney (period)

2009-04-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

Took a train trip up to Sydney this past weekend to see what it was like, both the city and the 11 hour train ride. The train ride rather sucked as much as a long plane ride, yet the city events were pretty fun. Best way I can describe it would be that it is a cross between San Francisco and San Diego... and not just gays and navy seamen (as stated by Wicky).

The city had a much more... alive feeling than Melbourne, which was a good change. Although I liked the feeling of the city, I would most likely see myself moving back to the Bay Area before moving to Sydney.

Saw the sights and that was that. Here's some random shots.

So.. if you want.. you can pay around $200AUD to walk ontop of the bridge like these foolios.

Random shot of Apple Store Sydney's glass staircase.

Fuck the Easter Bunny.

2009-04-10T01:35:00.000-07:00

It seems like everyone is getting fucked by the economy lately, and that fuckin rabbit is no exception.

Apparently Easter in Australia is almost, if not equally, as big as Christmas? The hardcore Branch Dividians put together shopping lists for presents that come from the bunny... candies... etc.. It's not just about painting eggs! Theres aisle after aisle of easter stuff for sale. It's insane. I wasn't invited to any Easter events, so can't say much about what's done, but it sure is pretty huge everywhere here. You also get Good Friday off, along with Monday. So can't complain about the 4 day weekend where you can eat psycho looking bunnies...

Hecho En Cuba

2009-04-01T02:20:00.000-07:00

Ahhh.. how I have longed to try the ever so forbidden Cuban cigar. The pimp daddy of all that is lung cancer. How odd it is to go into pretty much any news agent here and just pick out a Cuban cigar of your choice. Although the Cohiba's above still cost me $33AUD for one, it is awesome for special times... baby showers... funerals.. etc... We really should just let go of the past... and allow Cuba some importing action. Definitely something to check off my list of things to do in life.

Now all Australia needs to do is legalize gay porn and fireworks, then bada boom bada bing, we've got everything!

"F-ckin P-Plater..."

2009-03-24T01:51:00.000-07:00

If there is a single thing I can say I wish would be implemented in the US that they do here... it would be the Graduated Licensing System.

It basically works like a long ass permit... that slowly lets you have more rights when driving.

It starts with a learners permit which is pretty much like what we have in the US... pretty no frills and allows you idiot acceptance when making mistakes on roads. After you take a written and driving test, you are officially branded your first probationary license, or.. the red P plate as it is known.

After logging about 120 driving hours in a log book with your licensed supervisor, you get this plate for you to go about your business driving around. You have to display this plate on the front and back of the vehicle for a year to show that you are an idiot and are aware of this.

After of year of mockery and being flicked off a few hundred times by fellow drivers, you graduate to your green P's. The final stage before letting you loose in the world.

The green P's must be on the vehicle for 3 years! Haha.. that sucks. It does however allow you to use a handsfree headset to talk on the phone at least... while still having the provision to not drive high powered vehicles.

Now... I don't know about you... but this system is awesome. I guess it's easy to say as I completely bypassed it by transferring my US license... but as far as licensed drivers, it is awesome. Although it must suck to have the P plates on if I was younger, I would still look at it as a free pass to driving like an idiot.

What a concept!

At 18 years of age you can begin to drive with red P's... the same age where you can legally start to drink! That's a winning combo if I ever saw one.

...

2009-03-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

Melbourne's Southern Star

2009-02-25T21:59:00.001-08:00

So a few weeks ago I was blessed to visit Melbourne's newest star attraction, the Southern Star.

The large observation wheel is located in the Waterfront City precinct in an area called the Docklands (same place Costco is going to be.. hell yes). It is apparently the only permanent wheel in the Southern Hemisphere *heh heh heh* and is modeled quite closely after the London Eye.

This wheel took over 2 years and $100AUD million to construct, with expectations of over 1.5 million visitors per year.

The wheel had it's grand long awaited debut on the 20th of December 2008 and boasts some of the best views of the city and Port Phillip Bay in Melbourne.

*insert heat wave~*

Due to extreme heat, the wheel broke a month after opening and is closed indefinitely. It is now the largest display model wheel in the southern hemisphere.

I guess my gift card isn't valid anymore.

WTF moment #223

2009-02-10T13:47:00.000-08:00

Guess I gotta scour eBay now.

44° Celsius = fuckin ridiculous in Fahrenheit

2009-01-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

So I was originally going to mention something about Australia Day being on the 26th of January and its significance. However in the midst of the worst economic crisis in Australia for almost 40 years (according to the news lady), we also get one of the longest heat waves in probably over a century which has got me going insane.

The Australian Open apparently is getting destroyed by the heat as well.. we got Serena Williams hallucinating out there. Ridiculous I tell you.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS [/napolean]

2009-01-23T23:04:00.000-08:00

WHAT IS THAT YOU ASK??!?! It's Bacon.. mmm..mm.. good. Almost every restaurant you order something with bacon.. you only get that round part. Never the crispy goodness I'm looking for.

Finally was advised by a cousin that us yanks eat the shitty part of the bacon that noone wants. So I actually have to look specifically for bacon with the rind on. What a bitch. I don't care. I can live with that. *crunch crunch crunch*

Donde es el Policia?

2009-01-13T06:13:00.000-08:00

SWEET. My very first home robbery in Australia!

So today I had the luxury of coming home to a robbed house with a broken window. In comparison, the level of suck is quite similar to a US robbery, despite some differences.

It pretty much went something like this...

6:30pm: Come home and find all my shit out on the bed and floor. I mean christ, I don't mind you taking shit out, as long as you put it back...

6:35pm: Reported incident to 000 - (lucky I remembered this, all I could think of instinctively was 911, I knew it started with zero though *whew*)

....

...

....

.

7:49pm: Warmed up a bowl of chicken curry rice.
..

..

....

10:12pm: SWEET. Police. Just on time.

10:40pm: Dusted for some prints, took some pics and went on their merry way.

It was almost as awesome as when I got robbed in the Bay Area... . .. . . .... ... almost.

So upon further investigation, and to everyone's surprise, we were told that "no prints were found" on any of the things scattered around... not even ours. I have a feeling that it might be due to the fact I wear latex gloves 24/7 in the event of a surprise reacharound, just like the criminal in question apparently.

Guess I can check that off the list as completed.

Salt Pepper? Oil Vinegar?

2009-01-10T04:20:00.000-08:00

For some strange reason, I got the sudden craving for a oil vinegar soaked bread sandwich from Subway. It comes once a year or so and was a bit disappointed.

Simple order, cold cut combo with everything.

No cold cut combo. :(

So ordered a regular mish mash of meat on white. They asked what veggies.. I said "Everything" as usual. Went slowly down the line until I realized "everything" included shaved carrots and pineapples.. uhh. So I told them to hold off on the pineapples.

Then get to the end where they normally soak the hell out of everything so it all tastes the same no matter what you ordered... and they only had salt and pepper. :( At SUBWAY! With no oil/vinegar! That's like a staple of Subway sandwiches!

Oh well.. another note to self. Definitely not as devastating as the sausages at Mickey D's.. or Macca's as the ppl call it down here.

6 months Down Under.

2009-01-02T15:04:00.000-08:00

2009. Captain's Log 92738

Here we go.

It's been just about 6 months living "down under" and I must admit it's been interesting. Good in some ways, quite WTF in others. But I guess that's to be expected moving to another Country. One thing I've noticed though is that it's definitely simple here. Simple life. Not much to it. Eat shit and drink.

The culture here is very... friendly. Everyone does seem quite willing to help, or at least put on a good act of wanting to. Sure you run into the occasional cockface or manbeast *refer below*, but other than that, it's generally pretty relaxing.

Australians are a pretty proud people from what I've seen so far. Gotta have Australian made this, or Australian made that (of course this doesn't account for the entire population, as I don't make generalizations, unless needed).

BUT.

Aside from the AFL footy games here... what else are really REALLY Australian thing's to do? Everyone here watches US movies.. US TV shows... kinda odd sitting in Australia watching Letterman. But whatever. Guess there really is nothing else on. I was hoping for countless tv shows about chasing Kangaroos or skinning crocodiles alive, but alas, I was to be disappointed to see more CSI episodes than we play in the US. Oh well right?

A funny thing you hear from time to time, either from someone here, or on TV commercials, is that you always hear people say "Australia has the best *insert whatever* in the Southern Hemisphere!".

LOL. Is that a fact?

Come on. LOL.

Let's think about that line again.

WHO THE FUCK IS IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE??? LOL

That's like the Brazilians saying they got the best slums in the Southern Hemisphere, or the Antarcticans saying they got the sickest igloos in the Southern Hemisphere. Who the fuck cares? LOL

I don't mean to BE mean. But seriously, let's be honest here.

Whatever. LOL. Ok time to sign off. I need to eat.

HAARRRRRR!!!

2008-12-25T04:18:00.000-08:00

So I've noticed today that the plague that is the "Big Girl Little Pack" type bitch roams free here in Australia. Not sure if anyone else I know has run into these. Commonly found at ghetto malls or something, you'll have some large or "obese" girl/woman/whatever wearing some little backpack.. like the size of a sheet of paper. And for some reason, these are the bitchiest girls I've ever come across and seem like they are mad at the world.

Now,

..

First of all, you don't need to wear a fuckin little backpack. Like I NEED something to reference your size with.

2nd, who do you think you are fooling?

Cheezus christ man.

Ok.. ok ok.. ... . .. ok . . . that's bad. I take it back, there's mean people everywhere. It's XMAS today here in OZ, good times. Lots of drinks.

Australian peepol like to drink.

Merry Christmas.

Here's a picture of a whale:

WTF moment #168

2008-12-22T00:15:00.001-08:00

Another item to note, is when you first use a toilet in Australia. Not the same flusher as in the US... you are faced with two buttons as such.

The half circle is for flushing normal things... the full circle is for after eating McDonalds Breakfast. When it doubt.. push both. :o

WTF moment #167

2008-12-19T18:42:00.000-08:00

Alright, now I knew going into it that Australian has shit Mexican food. Fine. I'll deal. But sunnuva.. just a simple craving for a Sausage Egg McMuffin here is fucked.

It's not sausage man. It tastes like a hamburger meat thing that made it in there.... no good spicy/salty sausage in there like in the US. I tried it twice at two different locations to confirm.

As minute as it might sound, THIS.. is a major bummer and definitely on my con's list for OZ.

Gotta find something else to clog my arteries with now in the mornings..

Australia. The Movie.

2008-12-06T05:29:00.000-08:00

So tonight I decided to join some family to see the movie Australia. In Australia. hehehe.. How weird is that. Only reason I watched it is because a cousin of mine worked on it for a couple years as well and we had to sit and wait for his name to come up on the credits.....

Yea.

So.

Well.. 2 hours into it.. I can just see flashes of me watching Pearl Harbor or Titanic... or whatever other fuckin ridiculous stretched out movie where all you keep saying to yourself is "Bring on the fuckin water.. or bring on the fuckin bombs." I don't need to see Wolverine taking his shirt off left and right prancing around the outback.

So anyway, I decided I would post a picturebook for those who don't plan to watch it.

***Caution: SPOILERS AHEAD.***

So it all starts with Kidman and Jackman who apparently run some cow business. I can't put that in other more exciting way for you. It is what it is.

Then blah blah blah.. insert Japanese planes who fuck shit up for fellow Australians and Aboriginals.

BTW. We had to wait almost 2 and a half hours for this. **cough** Pearl Harbor **cough**

Then in the final sad moments of minute 155..

Aaannndd... that about wraps it up!

Interesting movie. My recommendation? Don't spend the $10-12 bucks on it, nor rent it. Just enjoy the hard work and money that went into the production of the movie and my picturebook.. and leave it at that.

Cheers.

Note to Self:

2008-11-14T02:57:00.000-08:00

When using stoves in Australia.. think Celsius.. not Fahrenheit...

Lucky I didn't burn the whole damn house down with my Hawaiian BBQ Supreme.

Delicious.

2008-10-19T22:37:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. what should I put in my stir fried plum sauce... so many options!

Fan-fuckin-tastic

2008-10-10T01:32:00.000-07:00

Buying a new Samsung 32" LCD - $1300 AUD ($877 USD)

Honda CBR 600RR - $12,000 AUD ($8097 USD)

Importing a Nissan Skyline R34 - $16,000 AUD ($10, 796 USD)

Finding out that half of your savings you converted back in June when Australian dollar was almost dollar for dollar to US dollar has now went to shit because AU dollar is worth $.66 to the dollar now - Priceless

For everything else there's Mastercard.

Speaking of meat pies...

2008-10-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

While on the subject of Australian foods, another came to mind which is supposedly a pretty traditional thing as well. The good ol' sausage sizzle.

Now don't get this confused with any ol' typical sausagefest as we have in the US. This sausagefest includes females.

Apparently it is usually a means of either fundraising, or to promote a local butcher's sausage. LOL. ROFL. ok. ok..

So although many times you may see the sign "FREE", you are supposed to pay a couple bucks for it and they give you an untoasted piece of bread with a sausage in it. I guess hot dog buns don't exist here.

Although I find it funny that if you put a free sausagefest sign up in Oakland, you'll have a line around the city waiting for one.

But anyway, verdict on this is... uhh... might want to pass unless you are really craving some good ol' sausage in you. Mmmmm mmmm good.

Grand Final weekend 2008

2008-09-29T18:23:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I guess this past weekend is a big thing in Australia. Grand Final Day. I was told that it was the equivalent of the Superbowl in the US, however I didn't get the feeling it was THAT big. One, the AFL sport or "footie" as locals like to call it, is not as highly watched as NFL is in the US. Sure there are fans, but still, the event is nowhere near as big as the Superbowl. In any case, spent a typical day of boozing and chilling. No "shrimps on the barby", because I'm cheap and brought chicken.

Another Australian thing... are these healthy treats.

Mmm... meat pies (right) and sausage rolls (left). The back was some rolls with some shit in it that could be dog.. could be cat.. kangaroo.. whatever.. and you dip these in the ketchup bowls. (TOMATO SAUCE AS I HAVE BEEN CORRECTED MANY TIMES)

Ate about 10 of these before I felt like throwing up. It's good. But.. uhh.. I suggest just eating one or two if you happen to come across them. It's like the equivalent of eating 10 mini beef hot pockets. So there you go. Grand Final wrap up.

:sigh:

2008-09-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

What was it again? A picture tells a thousand words? Well on my daily commute to work I pass by this house... I had to pull over to take a pic.

Well how's this you retarded AZN bastard. If you are gonna go back to the 90s and spell AZN PRIDE on something. At least make sure it's not the local barred up crackhouse. Fuckin A.

Australian asians represent. Fuck me.

Land of the unrefrigerated eggs.

2008-09-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting fact. Australia doesn't refrigerate eggs. This is highly odd as the label on the eggs clearly state to refrigerate after purchasing.... sooo... if I bought them close to the expiration doesn't that mean they might be bad? Odd. Walked around the fridges a few times before I found the eggs.

And no, I've asked Australians and they don't know why they aren't either.

Anyway. about 3 months in now. Finally found work. Not sure if the suck is any less working here as of yet, but since I've only worked for a week, won't know for sure.

huzzah...

2008-08-12T01:16:00.000-07:00

So today was an odd one... I felt like a whopper so I went to Burger Kin... ergh.. wait..

But it did indeed satisfy my whopper craving.. although I remember why I avoided it for the last 3 years again. Thanks Jack.

Later that day...

Wanted to get a Red Bull as I was feeling like sugar. Sugar good. AAAnnnd I hope this is it.

Hmmm....

The little differences...

2008-08-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

So it's been almost 2 months being here in Australia. What do Australians think of Americans? It's pretty 50/50. They either love you or hate you. Maybe not hate you like a terrorist, but think they wanna be better. Like I oppressed them for years or something just living in the US.

I'm starting to realize I'm an immigrant. I have the funny accent, when I don't know WTF anyone is saying half the time. It's sposed' to be english, but dunno.

But all in all, you ignore the idiots, and you keep the cool ppl. Much like everywhere else you go.

2 months of winter. 2 months closer to summer. Christmas in summer... curious what Santa is gonna show up in.

A Lesson in Procrastination?

2008-07-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and booze. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says the first turtle. "Just hurry!"

Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Aggravated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not fucking going!"

Training Day | July 11th

2008-07-24T00:31:00.000-07:00

"I didn't know you liked to get wet?!"

So here's a story about from a couple weeks back... I woke up early to try to get an iPhone around 8:30am... the place opened at 9am... so 8 somethin i got up... fed the cat... and tried to let it outside.

Now.. my job.. here at my relatives house.. is to housesit.. to take care of this cat and the house... so normally after the cat eats it runs out... but this morning she didn't want to go outside for some reason... but I couldn't leave it in the house or it would claw shit up which my aunt said not to do...

So I start chasing this fucker... while she bolts to the living room... under chairs... tables... bolts to the bedrooms... under the bed I'M sleeping in... try to grab her... cant reach her..

Finally I realized I was wasting time... had to go.. didn't have time for this shit... pulled my sleeves up on the hoodie and grabbed that fucker ready for the claws and biting

Sure enough... it clawed and bit... and yelled... I said fuck it.. just take it out..... but once i started lifting it started FUCKIN PEEING.

Pee'd all over the fuckin bed... floors... hallway... dining room.. all the way until I threw her out

How's THAT for a fuckin story. Picture of the culprit below.

2008-07-13T23:12:00.000-07:00

So while looking in the paper for jobs... I found what I alllways wanted... the Olsen twins on the bonnet and britney on the doors.

I would pay $50k for it... $50,500 is pushin it.

omgwtfbbqduracellbunny

2008-07-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Who the fuck is this?!?! What happened to the bunny with the shades and drums.

ok ok ok...

2008-07-12T03:25:00.001-07:00

This is now officially my own adventures in Australia. 20 years in Hawaii. 8 years in the Bay Area, 1 month in Australia.

Here goes...

Shitty pic above is of Sydney. 3 hours at the airport. 10 hour flight. 2 hour layover. 1 hour flight to Melbourne. My final destination.

Got here on June 12th. Since then did nothing but eat and sleep. Had to setup new bank accounts, switch over the cell phone (umm.. excuse me mobile phone).. and setup some Gov't stuff.

Luckily it's easy to switchover driver's license from the US, just show em and you get it.

Then around the 20th it was time to go car shopping... found a Japan vehicle importer.. which had quite an array of cars. Like a kid in a candy store.

Walked to the front and saw something I liked..

After about a week of getting it registered here from Japan, road tests, etc.. It finally got released around the 29th.

Next step is finishin up some more tax paperwork so I can work... then it's off to the rat race here. We'll see what happens. F it.

hmm.

2006-05-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

just came to see if my blog was erased. suprisingly it still sits here. dormant as fuck. with no one listening but spamming fucks who comment. thanks. bitches.

so a few days have past...

2004-11-11T13:16:00.000-08:00

i have yet to see any progress in this.. WHAT IS THE FUN OF THIS YOU CRAZY PEOPLE? YOUR TALKING TO A CROWD WHO DOESNT WANT TO HEAR YOUR SHIT...

seriously. this whole blog thing is like a hangout for emo people who are so full of themselves that they need to talk about themselves on a daily basis, and then expect people to read it.

well obviously im here. so shit. im determined to get 1 comment. jus 1. and im done.

alrighty then

2004-11-05T23:40:00.000-08:00

so i dont know if anyone even reads this shit. seriously. whats the point of writing all this if noone in the world appreciates yo shit? i mean.. i could write this shit and noone would see if for years like nastradamus and shit. and noone would appreciate me unless im dead. and hell. a dead bean is a useless bean. thats on a real too.

ok.

2004-11-04T01:20:00.000-08:00

so after 5 minutes of browsing around. i realized that i took a wrong turn at google, ended up here. talking to god knows who. and whatever madness which is my "blog" seems to look alot like shit. not sure if i can even swear in these... but obviously ill find out after this post here. at least it has some purpose.

soooo... hmm. yea.

2004-11-04T01:12:00.000-08:00

so yea. i have no recollection of how-TF i got here. or why the hell i even signed up here. but apparently it happened none the less. so. yea. here we go.